Ink Me Up!

Yes, I'm talking about tattoos. I've been thinking about the possibility since about halfway through seventh grade. I'm now 99% sure I'm going to get at least one. I don't know why the idea is so appealing: it could be that it would grab attention, but I don't think that's it.

I know that not all tattoos have meanings, but mine would be rather special. The meanings, as you will see, are not the most traditional.

I would get a wolf paw print on the upper, inner part of my left breast. There are a few reasons for this: my favorite character in the Harry Potter series, the character who has really affected my life, is Remus Lupin. He is a werewolf, and the character just absolutely demands my respect. Whenever I'm in a difficult situation, I ask myself, "What would Remus do?" just because most of the things Jesus does, I'm incapable of doing. (To quote Daniel Tosh, "So I lit him on fire and sent him to Hell!")

If I was still up for it after recovering from the wolf paw print, I would get a dog paw print on the front edge of my right hip. I love animals (founder of SETA in the hizzy-house), and I want to show anyone who's close enough to see my hip that.

This one would be on the outside of my left ankle. I understand that tattoos on areas lacking in fatty tissue tend to be the most painful, which is why this one is very simple: just a triangle with a line down the center and a circle in the middle. If you recognize the symbol, you know why I'm getting it. If you don't, I don't want to explain why it means so much.

Well, now you know. The only issue I would have with getting tattoos is that you (apparently) have to absolutely slather the things with sunscreen if you don't want them to fade. Oh, well. I think it would be worth it.

This is Offensive

Warning: I may very well piss you off. In fact, I probably will.

I don't really end up conforming to a certain set of political beliefs. I'm not liberal. I'm not conservative. Here's my take on some of the most prominent differences:

1. I think citizens should be allowed to carry guns. I don't think it should be nearly as difficult as it currently is to get a permit.
2. I think abortion should be up to the woman. She is the one who has to carry the fetus inside of her for nine months.
3. I don't think teenagers should have to have parental consent to get a condom or The Pill.
4. I think minors should have to have parental consent to get an abortion, unless they're emancipated (since it's a surgery).
5. Politicians' religious views (and/or their homophobia) should not be brought into the legislative process, dammit.
6. I think people should be able to marry whatever gender suits them (male/male, male/female, female/female- it doesn't matter).
7. Reverse-discrimation is not the solution to racism.
8. Immigrants (here's a shout-out to Costa and Louis!) shouldn't have such a hard time gaining legal citizenship. This should be as simple as signing up for the SAT. Get Mexico to cooperate. Make sure they pass the test. Make sure they aren't a felon. BOOM. Citizenship.

That's all I can think of now. If I think of any more, I may add to this and create a series.

Oh, PUH-lease

Honestly, sometimes I can barely stand my own species. My own gender, even.

Women need to stop acting all shocked and angry when they notice a guy "noticing" their breasts. Seriously, it's what guys do. They see boobs, they're gonna look. It doesn't matter if you're a 30B or a 46D. Men like breasts. That's why they've invented all sorts of names for them. (This is also why there's four words for fried batter and only one word for love... think about it.)

"But Artemis," some will plea, "it's degrading! We're as good as men, so they shouldn't treat us any differently!" No, you stupid. You are too different from that guy: you have boobs. And anyways, if no guy checked you out for a whole month, you'd start bitching about it.

So, yeah. Just so all my male readers know, no, you will never win with these women. It's impossible.

I'm in Need

And it is not a comfortable thing.

I've never been in need before. I've always- well, for as long as I can remember- had food. I've had a fridge. I've never been without electricity at home for five straight days.

I don't feel like I'm in need, but apparently I am. I feel like, well, I might not have lighting or a full pantry*, but... I don't know. I guess this is what it feels like, though. I'm incredibly grateful for all the help we've received and the kind people around Nashville- the Jews up at the Jewish Community Center that gave us tennis shoes and deodorant (both of which were desperately needed, let me tell ya), the Section II Clubhouse here in River Plantation (great food!), Logan's Roadhouse (free dinner last night), and the folks at 107.5 The River (best top 40 radio station evar), who donated $225,000 to the various shelters.

For those of you not in the know, Nashville experienced some serious flooding. My mom's house only got a foot of water, but a foot does enough damage. We ripped out all the carpet and laminate on the bottom floor of the house, as well as the bottom two feet of all the drywall. Since we're in a condo, you can look through that bottom two feet and see inside the neighbors' house.

And, on top of all this, it's been in the nineties temperature-wise lately, so of course the damn mold is setting in where people aren't properly drying things.

Next door, the lady was just kind of sitting in her wet carpet. After two days. So me, Mom, Todd, Nama (by grandmother), and David (Todd's friend) went in there and ripped up all that carpet, and got rid of the stuff that was gonna mold, and just worked our asses off for about six hours. So then I went to bed smelling kinda musty, with a bit of wet carpet perfume and cat piss cologne mixed in there. (Yeah, she has a ton of cats, and she's lived in that place for twenty-five years.)

Anyways. I'm staying at my grandmother's tonight and going to work with her, now that we're at a standstill at the condo, waiting for things to dry. There's not much I could really do there, so I'm going to her office to hang out.

Have a wonderful freaking evening, internet.

*Though we did rip the pantry out, so I guess it couldn't be full regardless of the situation.